Dustice

So Allen’s toilet became clogged this past weekend, and it was quite an experience trying to remove the obstruction. Intensive research was conducted, and a variety of techniques were applied in this battle. This is a chronicle of what worked and what didn’t - and an attempt to collect this knowledge to aid students in similar excursions of the future. A bit of a nasty subject, but I bravely soldier forth in the name of knowledge and the American Way ™.

Victim: Allen’s Toilet
Condition: Critical. Subject is fully clogged. Drainage is minimal.
Suspect: Bad Poop.

Brief Summary:

• DO NOT USE CHEMICAL SOLVENTS
• Wait for the water level to fall
• Use an auger and remove/break the clog
• Use hot water, poured from waist-height if the auger is unable to penetrate the clog alone.
• Contact a plumber if the situation merits it.
• Safety first!

Full Briefing:

The first thing to know about toilet clogs is what you’re dealing with. If the suspect is some sort of non-biological object (our research team has discovered multiple recorded cases of toothbrushes and other bathroom objects in the past), your approach will be entirely different (most likely unscrewing and inverting the toilet). Our case, however, will be mainly from a biological-waste standpoint. Know that the vast majority of toilet clogs will occur at the neck of the toilet pipe (fig. 1). As such, chemical dissolvents will be largely ineffective and may even cause permanent damage to the toilet porcelain, as well as pose a health hazard when attempting other, more reasonable methods of unclogging.

Fig 1. Typical Clog location

The timing of your attack is crucial - inadvertent flushes will only cause the water level to rise and elevates the risk of CRITICAL OVERFLOW. Wait for the water to drain out, and do not flush again until reasonably certain the clog has been completely and totally annihilated.

Your initial method of attack should be with a plunger - preferably a flange plunger which is designed especially for toilets and can apply far more pressure than your standard dome plunger. However, if you suspect the suspect is Serious Business then you may wish to jump directly to the auger (as we did) - the foremost tool in clog-combat.

Fig. 2 - The AUGER

The auger (fig. 2) is a potent weapon, and should be used responsibly and with care (bending of the wire is possible if too much force is applied). To obtain one, visit your nearest Weapons Home Depot, though they may also be available at more pedestrian locations (ie. Wal-Mart). The objective is to snake the wire of the auger until it bumps against the offending material, and then use the screwing motion to firmly attach the head. Afterwards, you should be able to simply yank the clog out, or at least cause enough damage that water pressure should take care of the rest. Positioning of the auger is crucial here, as incorrectly angling the auger will not accomplish anything - aim the auger towards the upper neck of the toilet and begin screwing once you feel a solid mass ahead.

To assist the auger, hot water can also be used to soften up the clog. Dishwasher detergent can be mixed with the water for it’s oil-soluble properties for additional effect. A combination of this method and the auger was what we used to finally conquer the clog.

To this date, the culprit is unknown in the Allen-toilet case has not and most likely will never be resolved - the primary suspect is some sort of digested barbecue from the large number of visitors to the victim that day. Rest assured, however, whoever whatever the culprit was, they’ve most likely met their end at the waste treatment plant by now. Haruhi-sama have mercy on their souls.

Images sourced from Howstuffworks.com